just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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