if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
