I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
