On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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