Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize