For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
