I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize