im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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