Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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