i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
