If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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