five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
