Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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