It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
