I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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