We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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