even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
