I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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