he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
