i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
