piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
