So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
