You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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