Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
