He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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