Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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