Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
