The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
