so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
