Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
there is puke in my bra ... again
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