I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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