PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
