I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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