so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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