i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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