I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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