I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
