I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
