dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
