Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
