Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
