I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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