I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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