Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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