hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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