I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
