Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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