I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My ass is underappreciated
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
