So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
