Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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