i think my tv is drunk
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
