Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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