This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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