I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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