Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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