This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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