the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
