I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
