I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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