Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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