First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
