I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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