It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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