I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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