Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
