No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
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