the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
