the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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