just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
