btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
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Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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