Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
