Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
