wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
