I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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