I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
