I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
