dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
