I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
